ellen black

Submitted By Ellen Black

My personal storm story involves dealing with physical and mental pain. For the past five years, I have been dealing with constant and severe back pain. I have undergone 15 procedures plus 2 major surgeries, the last of which was a spinal fusion surgery. Nothing worked and nothing took the pain away. I completely lost hope and faith that I would ever be okay. It became debilitating and forced me to become dependent on prescription painkillers. I lost my happiness, ability to feel my leg and foot, the desire to function, and so much more. I drained my bank account on surgeries, doctor’s visits, and pills. That security I had from what I had in my bank account was gone. In the end, I had to give up my career that I worked so hard for. I felt like I lost everything, everything that I worked for was gone. I felt like I lost my whole identity, and I literally didn’t know who I was anymore. All of this pain and hopelessness lead to a deep depression. I became suicidal and just wanted to end it all. My doctors began to tell me this was going to be my life now, and I would just have to deal with it since we already tried everything. If my life was going to be nothing but pain, I wanted nothing to do with it. Thankfully, God took hold of me every time I tried to take my life. He grabbed onto me and my life until I knew his love, and found my true value and identity in him. I can stand firm on his promises of healing because he healed me of my physical pain and mental demons. I did not feel worthy enough to be healed and doubted that he would even heal someone like me. He loved me so much and that’s why he healed me, not because of who I am or the works that I did. Just as he healed me, he will do the same for you. 

He broke me down so much that the only place I could go was on my knees, and that’s the best place I could have ever been. It was in this state where he was able to use me while I remained completely dependent on him. Although he flipped my world upside down, it is now right side up because he is now first in my life. Just because God delivered me through my storm does not mean that there are not some rainy days from time-to-time. I still hurt sometimes and occasionally have sad thoughts, but I can now face them because I am no longer trying to do it on my own. I am not meant to do it alone, and neither are you! It is so much easier now when I encounter a storm because I just place my trust and faith in God and know the he is doing all things for my good. When you just turn all your worries, pain, and problems over to him; you become free. Coming from someone who has been set free, had the chains broken, and the burdens cast away – it is the best feeling you can have, and it will completely strengthen your faith in God.  

So if you are wavering in your faith, doubt God, or don’t believe in his promises, I urge you to put your trust and unabandoned faith in him and just see how light your burden becomes. Watch him move mountains right before your eyes. Let it sink into the deepest crevasses of your heart that Jesus loves you, and you were set free when he died on a cross for you. You are free, forgiven, healed, and his beloved child! So let that be your truth and glorify God in all that you do.