Man is delivered from secret addiction to porn.

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Submitted by Timothy Hesse

As a young man, I grew up in church, in Stone Mountain/Lithonia, since the age of five. Having direct West African Ghanaian roots, I was ridiculed in school for what I was and for what I wasn’t. What I was, was something different. For one, I didn’t know my identity. Secondly, I was confused of who I was in Christ and all areas of my life.

As a child, I went to church because I wanted to go to Sunday school and play with my friends. As I got older in my preteens I felt different from everyone else in my age bracket. I was set apart and I didn’t really understand why. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior at the age of 12. It was a surreal experience. Sitting in a van with my pastor and older young adults accepting Jesus in my heart was a feeling of peace I have never felt before.

However, I still struggled with my relationship with God. Before I disliked church and I wanted to stay home and watch the game with my dad. Now, after my acceptance of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior my pornography addiction started. As a young adolescent searching for forbidden things led in a thrill to see things that I naturally wouldn’t see in my life. I delved into looking at pornography from the morning to the evening. On school off days, after school, and in the summertime, the fantasy of false reality that I created grew in my mind. It grew stronger and stronger. Yet, still I was at church praising God living a double life. It seemed to me like everybody in my generation was watching pornography and exploring their sexual identity.

Eventually, the craving for nude images turned into a desire for “real” online videos; which led to countless hours searching for visual images that only gave me temporary gratification. I learned how to live the lie. Yet, after getting caught at 13 and spending hours crying out to God I still went back to my sin. As the years went on the porn addiction got worst and worst. By the time I was in college I was six years an addict and in denial. From fall and spring breaks, to the beginning of the fall and spring semesters of all four years I would sacrifice my precious time on pornography. Instead of being productive on homework, term papers, studying, and doing other hobbies. It continued to spiral out of control without being satisfied as much so I spent hours at a time searching and searching.

After 10 years, I still struggled with pornography after finishing college and starting my masters. It took another two years for me to surrender pornography to God. Not by my own will power at all but honesty admitting in front of other men that I had a problem to being free. Giving it to God, saying I needed help is the first step in moving in the right direction. It still was a battle to look again after my confession. However, with the confession I found freedom. Now, after the confession I had to search deep into what was the root of my pornography addiction. Realizing that I dealt with anger, rejection, fear, doubt, worry, greed, pride, lust, and jealousy made me realize how much God wanted to bring me to freedom with all these issues. He truly wanted to transform me into his image day after day.

Once I found out that rejection was the root of my pornography God really showed me that he truly wanted to heal me from my life line of feeling rejected. This came from the lack of attention from young ladies in school for thinking that because I was short that they did not desire me. I had self-hatred for myself and didn’t love myself. Yet, God still loved me regardless of all my short comings. I had not much worth for myself. I still am a virgin by God’s grace. There were opportunities but I thank God he showed me as a young man, I should value myself more than those young ladies valued me. Loving myself was key, accepting myself, knowing that God accepted me and doesn’t need me to seek anyone’s love, like, approval, and social media attention has really pushed me to seek him more.

Release all your burdens onto him and he will make your path light. I tell you that has worked for me. Life is not going to be east but Romans 5 says “ Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. Trust him in everything. I have learned that. Not in my own mind but be confident in who you are and who God called you to be.

I have changed so much as a young man and I know that God has called me to do great things on things on this Earth with the gifts, talents, and the love he has given each of you. Let him transform you and continue to love you. It won’t be east but it is so much better to be free in Christ. God loves each and every one of you. When we seek to align our hopes, dreams, and will to His personally for me it is truly beautiful and honestly frustrating. Yet, I know in all things all things work out together for those that love him and he loves us. God is love. I am loved. You are loved. Keep reaching for a relationship for him. He is waiting on you. He loves me. He loves You.

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Comments

  1. I ,like many young men, can relate to this struggle. I am happy for your victory over it. It’s kinda crazy how similar our lives seem to have progressed in battle with pornography. I am always reluctant to hear these stories, but your testimony has given me hope to keep my heart soft to the word of God. Thank you for sharing brother.

  2. Timothy Hesse says:

    You’re welcome and God Bless you brother. May God uplift you, love on you l, and continue to give you hope to freedom and that you truly are his son. Peace and blessings

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